I Want That Thing

That one thing where everyone is just like bring it. Like MJ and his moonwalk. Where you wait for it and he brings it and you're just like yeeeeeeeeeeeeah. I want that thing. I'd like to do that to people.

Michael Jackson Beat It?!?!?!?!?!?!?

The man in the mirror is no longer in the mirror. I am out of my mind. My childhood is gone. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure how to morn. CNN has not yet reported him dead. TMZ and Perez Hilton say otherwise. Sheesh. What's going on? What happens with Paris, Prince Michael and Blanket?

Obsessed

First, I needed an intervention from watching too much Intervention. Now, I am totally obsessed with Obsessed. I was not so into it at first, but after last night's episode where a woman kept her miscarriage in her freezer for seven years in a brown paper bag, I was sold. Thanks A&E. Keep up the good work.

What's Your Trim Style?

This commercial surprises me. It would make me uncomfortable watching it with my father. We don't have gennies in my family. We are all Barbie (like the doll) on our downstairs.

I've Got a Secret

My hair is now from the olden times. I use the Psssst and it really works. Ever since I stopped showering and only wash the body and full head about twice a week, I've had problems with looking like I haven't showered. To not feel that way I have been washing the face every night and the bang every morning. But the secret is the Psssst. It's AMAZING!!! It dries the grease right up off my head. I never have to shower ever again. Good thing I cannot smell myself.

Turns Out The Medication Lets Me Cry

Much like Marley and Me would have me thinking about Kimi (our family dog from the time I was 3 - 20), movies about old people have me thinking about my grandparents, of which all have passed. I happened to catch the Alzheimer's special on HBO the other night and could not stop crying. It was all so sad and painful. Getting old sucks. Grandpa Shapiro used to always say, "Whatever you do sweetie, don't get old." I listen to him. I'm not planning on getting old. I never asked to be here, I believe I should have the right to decide when it's time for me to go. It's a fucking shame you can be advised to put your dog down, but not your elders. It just doesn't seem right.

My Sister My Friend

My sister and her husband were just in town a few weeks ago visiting. I had a great time with them. They stayed with me. I put them in my bedroom. I slept on my couch. I was totally OK with this arrangement. It's amazing what a little Zoloft can do. I never really thought my sister and I looked much alike until I saw this picture.

Dirty Birdy

I have not been into showering for while now. I used to shower every day if not twice a day. Now I like to see how long I can go without showering. Last week I showered Monday and Thursday. This week I managed to push it a day and showered Monday and Friday. This is all an experiment to see if the universe is attracted to my pheromones.

SNACKLISH

I cannot deal with the SNICKER ad campaign and its fucking PATRICK CHEWINGS, MASTER P-NUT, SIR SNAKCSALOT, PEANUTARIUM, CHOMPENSATION, SIGMA NOUGAT, PEANUTOPLIS, NOUGATOCITY and SNACKONOMICS. Every time I turn around it's fucking SNACKLISH on buses, billboards and fucking SNAXIS. Alright already. It's annoying and I want to punch SNICKERS in it's SNI-JAY-JAY. MAKE IT STOP!!!

Merry Easter

These little cum guzzlers really take me back to the good old-fashioned fun times. Sitting in a finished cold spring basement watching TV and only caring about maintaining my awesomeness at Pitfall, Missile Command and people that knew how to play barbies right.